Fatigue

The drabness of November is sinking in, I think. The busyness of fall schedules is catching up with people – the weight of assignments, the fast-approaching holidays, the end-of-year goals all scrambling to compete with one another.

In the last few weeks I have spoken to a number of people who are feeling the weight of fatigue sink deeper and deeper into their bones – and they’re supposed to be the healthy ones!

Fatigue is a part of most people’s regular experiences. It affects people who deal with mental health issues like depression. It can also be a significant issue when dealing with chronic pain, disease or disability.

Are you feeling tired? Worn out? Burnt out? Is fatigue becoming your everyday reality? 

Today I want to talk about fatigue …

Tomorrow we will talk about the solution to fatigue – rest.

Today there is only fatigue
Weighing down my whole body.
It feels as though gravity
Has been turned up by 1000%
And is doing everything it can
To pull me down through the bed.

Sleep has come and gone
I am grateful for it –
But it has not left me restored;
Only nauseous,
And bleary-eyed
And left wanting more.

The normal desires
For food and drink
Still register their protest.
But they can scream all they want
As to fulfill them would require
Energy I do not have.

My head feels like it is being
Squozen,
My ears
Ring,
And my mouth tastes
Metallic

The fabric
On my fleece pyjamas
Rubs against my skin.
It feels like dozens of Velcro hooks
Digging in and
Prickling me all over.

But if I take them off
Then I will surely freeze.
Because apparently fatigue
Affects my circulation as well,
Increasing the cold
Until my limbs are left frozen like ice.

The light in my curtain-darkened room
On this grey November day
Feels bright beyond measure.
My eyelids close to a slit
To cope with the brightness
Of my dimmed computer screen.

Somewhere in my fuzzy head
Is a list of things I wanted to do today.
A new recipe to try.
Accounts to be taken care of.
Groceries to buy.
Something to fix.

Somewhere in my fuzzy head
Is a list of things others want from me.
Help with homework.
Dinner made.
A conversation had.
A ride to an appointment.

Sometimes these things are possible
But behind the fog and behind the fuzz
I do not think
Today
Will be
That day.