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Unmasking with the Values Based Integration Process

‘Love Tanks’

Yesterday we talked about the importance for us as humans to feel ‘safe, known and precious’.

I want you to imagine that each of us has a ‘love tank’ inside of us.

This love tank is like a gas tank – you can only get out fuel (in this case love) if you’ve got some in the tank to give.

Each of us have things that fill up our love tanks – author Gary Chapman suggests they include physical touch, acts of service, words of encouragement, physical touch and gifts.

But each of us also have things that drain the fuel right out of us – things like silence, criticism, judgment, arguing, defiance, guilt, over-thinking, too many responsibilities, unclear expectations, change, risk, and failure, just to name a few.

And the reality is that for many of us, the things that drain the fuel out of us come at us far faster than we’re offered the things that might fill us back up – which leave us running about as well as an old car on fumes.

For us to offer ‘safe, known and precious’ to our kids, we have to first have something in our love tanks, so that we have something to give.

Which means finding ways to fill up our own love tanks so that we have something to offer those around us.

Some of us have partners or good friends who we can lean on a bit for this.

Some of us are going to have to get a bit more creative.

But this week I want you to think about your daily schedule. I want you to think about what times in the day your kiddos need the most emotional filling. Then I want you to think about what you could do just before you care for them to make sure your own love tanks are full.

The answers will depend on what your love languages are – so they’ll be different for each of us.

And for those who feel like they’ve got this part down pat, you can take the next step: see if you can figure out what your partner and kids love languages are so that you can start to offer them some safe, known and precious, too. 🙂

Photo Credit: Igor Ovsyannykov

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About the program

In 2017 I was newly self-diagnosed with atypical autism, struggling with burnout, and striking out when it came to therapists who could address the issues I was facing. At the same time, I was building skills around life coaching, shame reduction, and trauma-informed therapy for work. Gradually I realized that what I needed – an embodied, autonomous, agency-driven coaching approach to unmasking – was not something I was going to find “out there”, but something I was going to need to create if I wanted to recover my life. This was the moment the Values Based Integration Process was born.

Having developed the program for myself – and having seen the incredible results it brought in my own life – I began to use it with coaching clients. The results were out of this world!

After conversations with Dr. Devon Price, the technique was featured in his book Unmasking Autism. With it, came interest in the technique and the decision was made to begin training coaches and therapists to help make this toolkit more readily available.


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