There is this concept in eastern religions of yin and yang. It's this idea of finding balance between two opposites: things like dark/light; work/rest; tense/release; hard/easy; do/be. And just like we understand that we need muscle pairs to, for example, lift our arm up and then bring our arm back down, these eastern knowledge traditions understand that there can be no dark without a light; no work without rest; no tension without release; no hard without easy; no doing if there is no space to simply be.
Affirmation, support, responding to bids, giving words and celebration - those are our five keys to attachment from 0 - 18 and beyond. When we put these together with the other ideas we've explored this month, we find we can be increasingly successful at raising adults by the age of 18!
We've already talked about affirmation, support and bids. Today we want to look at the power of giving words as another step in helping our child feel known. Our kids are busy learning on every axes of life - social, emotional, physical and mental - and that means that often things are going to happen that they simply don't understand themselves.
Today we look at "bids" - the way that we as humans make it known that we need a little more support, engagement or attachment.
This week we are looking at five ways of helping to give our kids the attachment - the sense of safety and connectedness that comes from feeling seen, known and precious - that allows them to learn and develop to reach their full potential. Today, we are looking at the idea of support.
Attachment parenting has been a phrase in parenting circles for quite a while now - you see it talked about a fair amount in books on parenting infants, babies and toddlers, and it even seems to sneak into a few of the books on preschoolers, but then it's as if it simply disappears. As if, having laid this foundation of attachment you don't really have to think about it after that. And although I completely understand that life is life and there will be times when we can't be as attached and connected with our kids and teens as we might want, that doesn't mean this is a program we can set up at the beginning of life and then walk away and leave to run on it's own. The simple truth is that we as humans can't learn if we're afraid, and the best way to turn off the alarm bells in our kids' heads is by helping them to maintain the feeling that they are connected and attached - that they are 'seen, known and precious' - whatever age they may be.
I grew up in a world that liked it's boxes. It liked being able to slot people and activities and music and styles of dress and relationships and beliefs neatly into categories that they then used to judge those very beliefs and relationships and styles of dress and music and activities and people. The world I grew up in claimed it's boxes from a religious perspective but other worlds I know claim them from cultural, socio-economic or simply 'tribal' bases.