Learning to tell the truth means getting honest about our emotions and about our motivations. Learning to tell the truth means getting honest about our pain and our limitations, about our hopes and our dreams. Learning to tell the truth means learning how to tell those things to other people, yes, but possibly more important than anything else, it means learning how to tell these truths to ourselves.
A few weeks' back I discovered an incredible resource by Peter Walker. Okay, it was actually just a simple list, but as I read it through I realized that even though I loved all of the things on this list, I had never accepted that they were true for me. Which was brain-boggling for me. How had I gotten this far into life without realizing that these things could be true for me?
It's not until we know where we want our story to take us, that we can begin to find the narrative to get us there. Not until we determine what type of image we want to capture that we can choose which lens to use. Not until we discover what program we want to write that we can start to lay down a code base that will deal with both the primary functionality and all of the interesting edge cases that life will throw at us.
There is this concept in eastern religions of yin and yang. It's this idea of finding balance between two opposites: things like dark/light; work/rest; tense/release; hard/easy; do/be. And just like we understand that we need muscle pairs to, for example, lift our arm up and then bring our arm back down, these eastern knowledge traditions understand that there can be no dark without a light; no work without rest; no tension without release; no hard without easy; no doing if there is no space to simply be.
Affirmation, support, responding to bids, giving words and celebration - those are our five keys to attachment from 0 - 18 and beyond. When we put these together with the other ideas we've explored this month, we find we can be increasingly successful at raising adults by the age of 18!
We've already talked about affirmation, support and bids. Today we want to look at the power of giving words as another step in helping our child feel known. Our kids are busy learning on every axes of life - social, emotional, physical and mental - and that means that often things are going to happen that they simply don't understand themselves.
Today we look at "bids" - the way that we as humans make it known that we need a little more support, engagement or attachment.