"If we were going to do a good job as parents, we needed to have a goal, and we needed to be intentional about how our actions today were helping us to get to our goal - especially because the goal was so far off!"
I was thinking about how hard it is to notice these losses and grieve them as we go. We often seem to jump to dismissing our grief in the hopes that by dismissing it the pain won't be as bad. We decide that they're 'silly' or they 'don't count' and sometimes actively minimize them to try to gain a sense of 'control' over the randomness of the experience. Sometimes the changes happen so slowly or silently that we miss that the loss has even happened - so we miss the chance or the need to grieve. But the problem is that when we don't deal well with grief it doesn't just disappear.
One of the things I didn't learn well growing up - maybe because of my autism, or maybe because of my experiences of gaslighting - was which things were emotionally my responsibility, and which things were not my responsibility.
So on Monday I introduced you to the idea of sitting with your hedgehogs (your emotions). It was a great description that helped me to understand a new way of interacting with my emotions. But what I discovered for myself, for my kids and with an increasing number of the families I work with, it's difficult to sit with your hedgehogs and name your hedgehogs if you're not actually clear about what emotions you're having in the first place.
Having grown up in a world that was very anti-sex, discovering my own sexuality - and developing a healthy sexuality - has been a long and slow process for me, with many a challenge to navigate. In search of the next step in that journey I picked up a book a few years back that came highly recommended, called 'Come As You Are', by Emily Nagoski. Although the book contained many a very thought and idea about sexuality - and I would highly recommend it to any woman looking to dig into her sexuality more deeply - one of the biggest things I learned from Dr. Nagoski was one about responding to our emotions - or as she calls it, 'sitting with your hedgehogs'.
Back at the beginning of July I introduced the idea that we were designed to live in intimate knowledge of ourselves - heart, soul, mind and body - and to live whole lives based on who we were uniquely created to be. Let's imagine these elements as being part of a single circle, like this:… Continue reading Getting to Know Your … Heart
It's hard to make changes if you don't understand where you are now, or where you want to go. Many people out there are pretty clear on their emotions - what they feel, why, and what strategies work best for them to help resolve challenges that may come up along the way. But some of… Continue reading Tools in Your Toolbox – Know Your Zones