Do you ever feel backed into a corner in an argument? Or forced to choose sides between polarizing forces? Perhaps in your intimate partner or family relationships? Perhaps in our wider, increasingly divisive social sphere? One of the biggest relationship-savers that Trevor and I have discovered over the last few years is to recognize when… Continue reading A ‘Third Way’
Trevor and I have been married now for over twenty years - and they haven't been easy years, either! For the longest time we really struggled when the stress levels shot up, because we were scared they would break us. So we would pull away - from each other, from the situation, from the hard… Continue reading Lean In
Part of finding healthy ways to live for us has been learning strategies and techniques for dealing well with the stress. But no matter how good a toolkit you have, it's only as good as your ability to access it when life gets stressful!
Yesterday we talked about the value of being present in the midst of our activities - specifically physical activities such as running. Today I want to get a bit more curious ...
One of the things you will often hear me grumble about in my race reports is when people where headphones during races. It's about safety in part, but what if there was more to it than that?
I was thinking about how hard it is to notice these losses and grieve them as we go. We often seem to jump to dismissing our grief in the hopes that by dismissing it the pain won't be as bad. We decide that they're 'silly' or they 'don't count' and sometimes actively minimize them to try to gain a sense of 'control' over the randomness of the experience. Sometimes the changes happen so slowly or silently that we miss that the loss has even happened - so we miss the chance or the need to grieve. But the problem is that when we don't deal well with grief it doesn't just disappear.
When we train, we do a lot of base training - training at a pace slow enough for Trevor to be able to engage in conversation with me. Aside from turning training into date-time, this builds up his cardio and his endurance over weeks and months, and we've seen quite significant improvements using this technique. Since I can't see Trevor running, I use my ears to listen to the rhythm and cadence of his footfalls, and to listen to his breath to help him dial back or pick up the pace accordingly. And when we get to the hills, we have a little mantra, "deep breaths and baby steps".